i think i have herpe
just one?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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