Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
