apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
