We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
