you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
