i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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