singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
