I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
