he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
