Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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