I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
