I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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