Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
