I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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