I puked a lego.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
