Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
