Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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