I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
