A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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