Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
