so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
