someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
