She said her name was "party"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
