lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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