woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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