Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
