well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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