Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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