My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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