I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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