I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
