Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
