im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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