Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
