I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize