I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When are your genitals available?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
