so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
