I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
