Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
