i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
