She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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