I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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