It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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