I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need a beard to bite.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
