Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
