I wish I could punch you in the face.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
