I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
