Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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