Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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