I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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