I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
