I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
