I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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