Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
