Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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