I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
