This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
