you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
