Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
