come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
