I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
