My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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