I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
