I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
