I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
