So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
