I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They have beer where we have blood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
