I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
