This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
