Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
