Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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