mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
