I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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