the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
