I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
