i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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