He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's the barista slut.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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