it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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