chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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