Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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