He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
