if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
