didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
