i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
